i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
