Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
