Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
