I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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