I think my vagina is haunted
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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