i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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