also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
