I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
