found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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