The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
