what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
