hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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