i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
