I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize