mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
