Your dad touched me again.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
