I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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