Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
