My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
