I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
