i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
