he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
