i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
