While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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