why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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