Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I want her autograph on my taint
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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