Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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