I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
