I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
