I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
