Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
did i just pee glitter
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
