my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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