I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
