It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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