Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
