Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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