Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
