I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
