You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
