I want to have your abortion
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
