And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
