Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
