At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Couch. On fire.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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