I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize