Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
