my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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