I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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