Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
im on a boat
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