Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
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could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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