I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
