it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
