her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
