the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
There's even glitter on my cock...
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