Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
