omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
