...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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