They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
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I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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