How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
