his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
