so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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