You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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