When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
