Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
