Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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