She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
