yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
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