Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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