I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
